(201) 556-8210by Stephanie Shapiro, LCSW, Ph.D. Candidate, Psychotherapist, Partner/Private Practice, and Public Speaker.
Often, we find ourselves drifting off into what I call Lala Land, or more commonly referred to as the loop.
What is the loop? Those intrusive, negative, and unwanted thoughts that interfere with and show up in our day-to-day rituals. Can you stop it? Yes, you can take back control.
First, it helps to understand what is happening when you get caught in the loop. If you have ever experienced anxiety, depression, sadness, anger, excitement, or any emotional reaction that keeps you focused on an anticipated or recent event, you may have noticed that you drift into a cycle of thoughts called ruminating. In theory, you are no longer in the present and instead become absorbed in your thoughts. Whether we focus on the what-ifs, the unknown, or an anticipated event that stirs emotion, staying in the moment becomes extremely difficult.
Studies suggest the average person experiences between 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day, and may hold roughly 40 thoughts at any given moment. When someone presents with anxiety, depression, excitement, anger, or similar states, it is believed that roughly 80 percent of those thoughts follow the theme of the emotion being experienced. That implies that if we are anxious or depressed, our thoughts become consumed by that theme. Applied logically, this could mean that up to 40,000 of those thoughts, our internal language, may become acts of self-bullying or self-demeaning. It is no surprise that we eventually begin to believe what we repeatedly tell ourselves.
Step 1: Do a conscious check-in.
Take a moment to look around and assess whether anything is posing a threat or causing harm. If not, your body may have triggered a false alarm response, which can create feelings of anxiety, panic, or depression. If something truly is threatening your safety, remove yourself from the situation. If not, acknowledge the false alarm and give yourself permission to let the thoughts arise. Then consciously set them aside, remind yourself that you are working on your wellness, and move to the next step.
Getting out of the loop begins with learning and using techniques that help interrupt it. I call this grounding yourself through conscious check-ins and mindfulness. Below are suggested steps to help break the cycle.
Step 2: Ground yourself.
Sit down. Adjust your shoulders so they are relaxed and aligned, not lifted toward your ears. Plant both feet firmly on the ground and notice how it feels to have your full foot supported. Place both hands on a nearby surface, such as a chair, table, or steering wheel, and notice the sensation in all ten fingers. Is the surface soft or rough, hot or cold, bumpy or smooth, wet or dry? What color is it?
Step 3: Allow the thoughts to come.
It is essential to accept yourself as you are, including the parts you love and the parts you struggle with. If your mind returns to the loop during this process, allow the thought to enter without resistance, then gently set it aside. There will be time later to revisit it. For now, the priority is returning your focus to grounding.
Step 4: Breathe in for two, out for four.
A slow, controlled exhale helps lower your heart rate and signals your body to return to a calmer state. Your body responds well to clear direction. Breathe deeply and focus on the outward breath. Notice the sensation of the air on your lips. Aim to make each exhale about twice as long as each inhale. Continue for three to five minutes and observe how your body responds. Finally, note how long it takes for your system to settle. Practice builds speed and consistency, and over time your body learns a new response that helps you exit the loop more quickly.
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Dr. Sam Von Reiche and Associates offers psychotherapy and counseling for youth and adolescents, individuals, families, and couples. Specialties include anxiety, ADHD, depression, trauma, PTSD, coping, grief, and couples work. Take advantage of our 15-minute free consultation and contact us.